love myself more..

now i m in a happy state..because i tink i might have found out something i have racked my brains over and which caused me to write that super depressing entry yesterday or the day before (can't rmb exactly)..notice i use 'might' because i m not confirm yet..but i still feel so happy and relaxed suddenly and feel like crying..maybe it is cause that's the only not-depressing thing that happened to me for this past few days..maybe it is because i m listening to 'love u more' by super junior which is such a happy song..but that couldn't be the major reason i know..because when u r very sad,even if u listen to a happy song u feel that the song is just an irony of what u are feeling and u feel even sadder (if possible)..anyway i still got like PILES of stuff to do so off i m doing them..but before that let me sing 'love u more' for one last time and i will concentrate on my work..

I WILL SURVIVE!!!

listening to: Love u more by Super Junior

至理名言 inspirational sayings..

always wanted to start an entry like this..but since i only started it now,i have forgotten many that i have found so applicable to me and so true in many situations..i will keep on updating this entry with new sayings i hear..and i boldly put this entry under the tag 'educational stuff' though it might be an 'overtag' (comes from 'overstatement' if you dun understand)

the first part will be the original language it was heard in,the 2nd part is the translation into chinese/english..time to put my translation skills (which is non-existent) into use..sry for the bad translation..

如果愿意想开，一秒钟就可以想开了
If you are willing to let go, it can be done in a second.
from 败犬女王

到不了的都叫做远方，回不去的名字叫家乡
Anywhere that cannot be reached is faraway, the place that can't be returned is your hometown.
from 牡丹江 by 南拳妈妈
p.s. wow that was a tough translation.i dun think i got the meaning right.

没有感觉再尝试也没有用
There's no use trying when there are no more feelings left.
from 无底洞 by 蔡健雅

别在乎在哪里，只在乎往哪里
It doesn't matter where you are now, it only matters where you are going.
from 飞鱼 by 梁静茹

每个选择路口，我就挑难的路走
Whenever there's a decision to be made, I choose the hardest route.
from 逆风 by 花园精灵

是谁说蓝色就等于忧伤，你看看天空和海洋
Who says that blue represents sadness? Look at the sky and sea!
from 开天窗 by 五月天

相手が幸せになるのと、自分が幸せになんの、どっちが大事ですか。
让对方过得幸福，还是让自己过得幸福，哪一个对你来说比较重要？
The happiness of the person you love and your own happiness, which one is more important to you?
from 花ざかりの君たちえ (Hanazakari no Kimitachi e)

三人行，必有我师
There's always something to be learned from others.
from 孔子

老天对每个人都是公平的。他不给你什么，就会给你另一样东西。
Heaven is fair to everyone. If he doesn't give you something, he will give you another thing.
from 我! (haha)

helpless..

that's the only thing i can think of now..i feel like i cannot breathe anymore..i cannot survive in this world..i cannot survive others' and my own expectations..i cannot overcome my own weaknesses..i cannot fit into the society..i cannot find self-value..i cannot find any strengths in myself..i cannot feel happy even when listening to a happy song..i cannot see things clearly..

listening to: Love Disease and Love U More by Super Junior

sit down..

finally,at this time,less than 3 weeks before the concert,i finally learn finish the songs i m supposed to learn..and mind you,i only learnt them..the torturous part is memorising them..and that is supposed to be done by tml 6.30pm choir prac..how m i supposed to memorise 23 songs when i m not even sure if i m singing the correct notes..i dunno..but like something which popped up in my mind and i wrote as my msn nick,currently,my life is like this..

用力的生活，用侥幸生存

i thought of the back part first..because every choir prac is like a smoking session..i jus try my best to get unnoticed and try at least not to have clashing notes with my choir mates..that's the least that i shld do..once in a while i come in too early but only get noticed by the person standing beside me since my singing isn't that loud..what's the moral of the story?don't sing too loudly lest u amplify your mistakes..i mus say it is because of ppl with mindset like me that choir pracs are always crap..especially the first try of the song..my conductor explicitly said that he hates this kind of ppl who wan to smoke because there are so many ppl in our choir..but i can't seem to find a better way to survive thru this period..just let me survive till after the concert..

the 2nd part came to me when there was one day that i was quite concentrated on my work without any distractions to listen to songs and watch videos..i accomplished quite a lot(but just enough to survive only still) that day and finished what i m supposed to finish..this kind of days is rare and i m still waiting for another of this day to come to me..though i tink it should be coming because hols are ending(when u discount the prac hours of choir,both at home and sch) and i have done absolutely NOTHING.not kidding.i don't use this word and in caps for no reason.i mean what i say when i write(type) that.

i love my life..

p.s. o by the way the title is the disgusting song and last choir song i managed to learn over the past i dunno how many hours..with the distraction of SJ videos(as a relaxation time for me)..i simply cannot stand learning the song non-stop..o that's a pun!i cannot stand learning 'sit down'..

listening to(in my head,the alto part): Sit down by Frank Loesser

everytime i fall in love..

(an entry by a fangirl)(though i had numerous cases of people mistaking me as a guy)

i cannot help myself but fall deeper in love with super junior everytime i watch them or hear them..today it's especially kyuhyun and ryeowook whom of course i had fallen in love with long ago because of their voices..i know many ppl can sing..i have always known this and always felt bewildered..how come so many ppl can sing and sing so well?but ryeowook and kyuhyun are definitely the best singers who are from an 偶像团体 i have ever seen and heard..maybe there are better ones(i heard from my friend that the guys from DBSK can sing super well too and though i have never sat down quietly and hear them sing,i tink that shld be true since they have like so many fans and wiki says they sing acapella often too)..but i dun care..i jus know i m in love with super junior now..

seen ryeowook play the piano and kyuhyun play the clarinet today for the first time today(through videos of course i mean)..i have to sigh again..i really have to say this..since i have always been listening to mando pop and mainly coming from taiwan,i was quite limited and i tink the concept of 偶像 being unable to sing is quite sub-consciously deep rooted in me(and many ppl too)..until i started knowing kpop..the "偶像" in their sense aren't jus ppl who looks good..they are singers and dancers and actors because they really can sing and dance and act well..they spend most of their youth undergoing training in these aspects and are really passionate about what they do(unlike some taiwan celebrities who are just 'founded' on the streets by some talent scouts)..ok first i have to do a disclaimer..i m not against or insulting taiwan celebrities or wat..i still love mando pop and like taiwan artistes..at least i can sing the songs while understanding what i m singing and so sing with more feelings..i m jus trying to express some thoughts which might not apply to everybody of course..

ok anyway back to topic..kyuhyun's bassy voice is super soothing and it's not like he cannot sing high notes too..when he sings u forget that he's the mischievous magnae(i.e. youngest) of super junior who likes to talk back to his hyungs(i.e. elder brothers) and tease ppl and do lame stuff and play computer games..he's just that romantic guy who is singing a song for the girl he loves..i always love how super junior can change between their roles as normal ppl who are jus like your friends (in variety shows where they never fail to make me laugh) and professional singers/actors/dancers (with their powerful and VERY in-sync dances/voices which can melt ppl/convincing acting skills) so effortlessly..and how all this doesn't seem to have any conflicts..

ok going back to kyuhyun,he can really pronounce mandarin very well..i guess that's cause he mastered the 四声 of pronuncing mandarin..the 抑扬顿挫 might be difficult for ppl whose mother tongue dun have this kind of weird things..jus like how i m finding difficulties in pronuncing korean with their un-distinguishable 'ae' and 'e' and the aspirated and glottalised vowels..i mistook kyuhyun's singing for hangeng's on many occasions in sjm's chinese songs and everytime when i found out i have been wrong,i get amazed again at how he can pronounce mandarin better than half of my chinese friends..guess that it jus proves that anything can be achieved by determination and practice(or maybe he jus had the talent for anything related to the vocal cords?)haha..

ok now to ryeowook..i saw somewhere that they call him the eternal magnae..not without a reason really..he looks more like the magnae than kyuhyun seriously..being so shy and humble all the time..and of course cute!that is the feeling u will get initially..but u know he is more than that after u get to know him better(or maybe i shld say after u watch more videos about him)..he can play piano,compose songs(both on piano and also the songs in SJ albums) and sing well..him being the tenor,sing any high notes nicely..although i think his voice is less stable than kyuhyun's,i tink it's cause he have to sing the high notes so often and so it's quite hard on him too..and that brings me to another big point..

just now i was suddenly thinking..would kyuhyun and ryeowook do better if they were not in super junior?i know i will get beaten by many SJ fans (ELF) out there by saying this and i myself dun wan them to leave SJ of course,but i was thinking IF they didn't join SJ they can have a career more dedicated to music stuff..their voices can definitely bring them to great heights..they have the abilities to be popular and famous without needing the boosting by other group members..

the industry is more unfair for dancers i guess,since it is called the MUSIC industry and not dancing industry in the first place..they are called singers,not dancers,though they need to dance too..ok what i m trying to drive at is that an artiste in the music industry need to be able to sing and dancing is sort of like an added bonus..i mean like if u are good at dancing but cannot sing for nuts,u can become a dancing teacher to the artistes at best..to come out with an album requires u to be able to sing..that's y there are so many music groups in korea i think..those who cannot sing that well get to be an artiste and be popular too,helped by their groupmates who might not be able to dance as well but can sing well..

kyuhyun and ryeowook are like those who can sing well and cannot dance as well..of course,they can dance much better than the average person,but i sometimes wonder whether that is really what they really wan to do..the most intolerable thing for a 'music person' is to lipsync for a performance,but it is inevitable for them to do it for some of SJ's songs since the dancing part is too intense and it's impossible to dance properly and sing well at the same time..

ok i realised i have written too long and lost the point somewhere..dun even know what i wan to say now..o ya..back to the point..ryeowook like composing and he does have some talent there as can be seen from the few songs he had composed..if he cld spend more time on this (which is what he wants actually) and not need to dance(which needs lots of prac and especially so with their big group),i tink he wld be happier and progress much faster in the music area..

ok i realise this entry is too long liao..it's now 3.10am,meaning i spent 1hour+ jus to write this entry..not that good since i haven't done anything constructive since fri after sch..not that i m going to do anything constructive now..but i'd better be done with my videos so that tml i can get started with work(after the 拜年 and movie trip)..meanwhile,anticipating SJ's next album and ryeowook having more compositions in it!though i know it wld not be complete without 3 members..sigh..

listening to: Love you more by Super Junior

one love..

i jus wrote an entry title that is totally not relevant..i jus can't think of anything at the moment..i feel so restless now..not knowing what to do..it is 1 hr 15 min to chinese new year and yet i dun feel happy..i have too much on my hands that i dunno which one to start with..all are disgusting and any one can make me puke blood..researchES, lab report, learning+memorising my choir scores..i dun feel like starting any..

plus pasta episode 12 is not up yet when it should have been up on wednesday..i dunno izit cause of the new year that the translators(whom i tink are Chinese) are "not working" and slacking for a while..and then my media classic player goes on a strike and cannot respond since yesterday..i dunno wat to do with it really..sigh..everything's not working for me..

i feel like slacking but i know i will suffer later if i do so now..i wan to continue my korean lessons yesterday(which was quite fruitful) and i wan to lie on my bed and think of nothing..but i cannot..

o anyway the title is a song by Super Junior..written by eunhyuk and rapped by him and sung by K.R.Y during their first concert..really nice..i m really amazed at what they can do..i can only say that they are born to be artistes..

korean aka hangul

jus wanted to put some sites here for ppl who want to learn korean..i started learning using this site and it's really quite good..it is easy to follow and the way the person teach is very 'personal',like he/she is talking to u as a fren..if u wan to learn korean in a stress-free way,that is one good site to start with..of course u can proceed to more sophisticated ones after u have learnt the basics..

then there's this site which is the korean language department of Monash University which i got from the previous site actually..there are some resources for learning korean on there..but the main thing is the 2 400++ pages korean textbook online copy that u can download from there..real cool..

added on 10th Apr 2010: wow i have become more in love with wiki (if that is even possible).i still don't know why some lecturers don't let us cite from wiki.some say cos they feel inferior to it,which i agree.ok digressed.the main point is,wiki has pages dedicated to teaching languages too!how cool is that man.it might not be useful for people who want to learn advanced stuff but it is definitely the best place to start learning korean there.very easy to understand and complete guide.

may u have fun learning korean!

p.s. this will be updated with more sites if i find more good ones..

after 2 centuries..

it's the starting of the 3rd century for my blog..ok i know i m being lame..this being the 201st entry isn't any big deal actually..but it's really great that i have a place to write all my feelings and random stuff that i have in mind..i never thought i can keep a blog for so long (and never changed the template)..and no one has found out abt it..if someday someone did,i wld feel so unsafe cause all my feelings for the past 5 years will be suddenly exposed to that person..ok digressed..

this being 除夕isn't that exciting..me having 1 week hols isn't too..because it shldn't be called hols if it is filled with assignments+lab reports+project researchS+choir pracs..i wonder if i will survive..normally i will feel super happy (and slack) at the start of hols(however short it is)(not that i m not slack now)..but this time,i can already feel the end coming though the hols only jus started 6 hours..ppl often say that adults are not as pure and free as kids,but it's not like it's our fault..the world forces us to be so..how to be free of worries when doom is always impending(do u use it like this?) on us..

ok digressed again..my main point is,i started my abandoned korean online lessons again..now it starts to get hard..and i m only at the alphabet part,not the grammar part..but it's ok..when u have interest in something it's always fun..without obligations and exams(which was the case in the past when i learnt japanese)..i know it let u learn faster and more efficiently,but i jus wan to do something for fun and not force myself too much..ok back to learning..

listening to: Again & Again by 2pm

don't don!

nice timing for a blog entry ah?jus finished 2 dances..choir dances..+singing..why is my 200th entry such a sad case one..i have like 5 stuff due next week and i haven't started any..i have to spend all my time practising choir songs+dance but i still get scolded during choir pracs..what is this world coming to?why do i like to torture myself?is it really that 每个选择路口，我就挑难的走?this is the only time in my life that i really felt that..maybe i shldn't be blinded by my passion for singing already..because i like singing,but not in choir..i like singing,but not getting scolded and pressurised to learn so many songs that i dun even understand and not singing in tune anyway..

ok i realised my title is quite no link to the topic here..but wat i wan to say is DON'T force me anymore..i wanna scream like at the end of the song..

listening to: Don't Don by Super Junior

pasta..

i always didn't think that korean actors/actresses are good-looking..dunno is it cos their characters in the shows are always so 不干脆 and 扭捏..but after watching pasta(not after actually,cos it is still showing now),i realise they can be quite good-looking and 讨人喜欢..they may not have the best looks but their charisma just shows so easily through their acting..

o ya about the entry yesterday abt my conductor,i forgot to talk abt thing tt always pops into my mind when i see him conduct vs not conducting and as a normal person (e.g. sitting beside me on a bus)..i always think of chiaki senpai in nodame cantabile..it's not tt they like to scold ppl maybe..when they are not conducting (or doing something related to music) they are really normal ppl..they can be lame and cheeky and gentle and nice..but they are downright scarily serious and seriously scary when it comes to their passion,music..i guess all conductors are like that..cos my jc conductor is like that too..though he is not as angry(can't seem to find a correct word to describe) as chiaki and my current conductor..he is the silent killer type..when u look at his eyes u know tt u will die if u dun focus and sing properly..his most famous line is "it's all in your mind"..

his biggest strength is determination i guess,and tt's y tt's wat he tried to train us to have too..there was one time when we sang like shit and after tt everyone had to train to be focused by looking into his eyes for 15min or so(not really sure abt the duration actually..cos it jus felt like years when everyone is in a quiet room and looking at the conductor and nothing is moving and no one dared to breathe too hard too)..the moment u slacken and stop looking at him u are dead meat man..and 1 girl vomitted in the middle because she was not feeling well (we were standing btw)..i guess he felt bad abt it (and at the same time admired her will power too)..

and the chef in pasta is the same..he's even more extreme i think..being so 'flirty' when he's not in the kitchen..i use this word without any reserve because how else do u describe a guy who ask a girl to be his girlfren only after 3 days of knowing her..and u might wan to call him a bastard(really sry for using a bad word in this blog) too considering tt he had jus fired her from the restaurant..but he definitely looks charismatic when he cooks..even nicer than the food he cooks(tho i have to say this show aroused my interest in pasta)..

ok anyway wat i wan to say is tt such ppl are really the extreme..tho i know y they are like that,i dun tink i will ever get used to such ppl..i like normal ppl better i guess..i'd rather my life be normal without those scary ups and downs..

listening to: Love you more by Super Junior (written by ryeowook and sungmin!)

这是最好的时代，也是最坏的时代..

yesterday i wrote an entry under the same title..but because of my very nice internet browser "not responding" to it,the whole thing was gone..nice ah?sian..dun feel like typing out all those things again,though they were quite impt as something memorable in my life..

anyway,yesterday after performance,i had to take the same bus as the conductor and it was like total weirdness because he had been scolding us for half of the day(tho i missed the huge part of it due to lessons..phew)..we did not say anything other than those few lame 寒暄 and then i pretended to be engrossed in my handphone music and closed my eyes for the rest of the not-very-short..but i have to say it is quite a rare experience..to me,choir conductors are always like high up there,and all of them like to scold ppl..and are "seriously" scary..as in i dun mean very scary..i mean they are so serious that it becomes scary..at least when they are talking abt the "choir music" that they are so passionate abt(which unfortunately or fortunately i still dun understand)(i fall aslp while listening to choir singing)..

actually i was thinking whether i shld talk to him,to not seem so cold,but i guess it doesn't matter to either of us anyway,so i'd rather keep the status quo..unless we reach some topic(related to choir) that we cannot agree with each other with and i will be kicked out of the choir before i can quit it myself (tho secretly i hope for tt too)..but after the scolding today(jus now during prac)(i see choir ppl more often than my classmates nowadays),how i wished that it was today tt i sat on the bus with him..maybe(or probably not) i will start telling me how i feel abt wat he said the choir and us being irresponsible and not learning our scores properly etc etc..it's not like all of us are on an equal starting line..it's easy for u to say,but since the choir accepts us who are unable to read music into the choir in the first place,u shld be prepared that u cannot force us to learn so many songs in such a short time and expect us to sing it well and sing with techniques that u never taught us in the first place (pls dun assume we know it,cos u know we dun)..

if u say we are liabilities to the choir,i can tell u tt the choir is a liability to me too..it's not like we never put in effort(ok maybe some really didn't)..and also 1 super impt point..dun expect us to devote all our time to choir jus because u do..u are passionate yah we know..but tt's your choice..tt's y u are the conductor in the first place right?i have to say,i join choir really taking it as a cca..not as a torture or concentration camp or wat..and i m not going to sacrifice my sch work for choir jus because u choose to do so..maybe we are the weak link in choir?but if u really wan such a strong choir then u shld have not let us in from the start..u shld limit the numbers and not accept so many ppl and choose only the pros..then u will not have the weak links..your choir can be the smallest but strongest..so guess wat?if u jus wan us to fill in the numbers,then be prepared to get shit from us..

ok this is getting bad..i jus poured out all my feelings and thoughts tt filled my mind jus now when getting scolded..first time tt i spent a whole blog entry complaining abt something..but it feels so 爽!i mus do it more often next time..good way for venting out so that i dun implode and die too early..

listening to: 转动 by 林俊杰