life as it is

maybe my life is just left with this, continuous worrying about stuff that i shld do but not ever starting to do it. the older i grow, the more i 逃避 things i realise. i tell myself not to but i can't find the strength or motivation to do it. i just keep procrastinating until i don't have time to finish it. i dunno since when i became like that? ever since i got into kpop? but who can i blame except myself? i m just not strong enough to discipline myself. i was never strong. and the more i admit it the more i forgive myself for being weak. this is going nowhere

挑战

这是一场一点都不华丽的挑战，而且也是我赢不了的挑战。我觉得毕业之前都不可能做完的，但是不是做不完就不用毕业了？我连我自己到底在做什么都不知道，这样还能毕业吗？再这样继续做下去会觉得人生真的很没有意义，而人生也真的会变成很没有意义啊。但没有人可以帮我，我们在这世上始终是孤单一人。

listenting to: 自己哼着的《华丽的挑战》主题曲

when will all this end?

will it even end? i m about to 崩溃 already.for 2 consecutive days i have cried out loud in lab,with nobody around and i dun even know how to start explaining what i have been through these few days.nobody can help me too.how can anybody else understand what u have been thru if they have not been thru it.we r already running out of time n i have done nothing.i have done nothing not because i have nothing,i have done so much already,but none are useful,i really feel so tired and feel like abandoning all this.what does she know?she thinks we haven't tried hard enough,but what does she know?maybe she have been through it before,but does that give her the right to make us go through the same thing?

my only consolation now is listening to super junior's songs,listening to their voices,the voices i m even more familiar with than my frens,the voices that are so soothing,telling me everything is going to be fine.yesterday when i was bawling my heart out,i heard the line in 'snow white' (their japanese song),'baby don't cry, it's all right now' and cried even more.yeah maybe all this torture now will turn out to be just an insignificant part of my life in future,something to laugh at when i look back.just like how they have gone through so much,maybe they have lost a lot,but they have gained much too..i guess i shld be strong like them..