stress 到胃痛

I first time understand the meaning of this sentence. i guess this is one of the most, if not the most, stressed period of my life. of course there were other stressed times (like thesis writing which was hell), but i dunno y but this time the stress caused me to be sick. i dun have appetite and i had fever and diarrhoea (n i typed this so many times on my phone tt now i know how to spell it correctly). i feel hungry but i can't eat anything cause my stomach keep having tt weird feeling of butterflies in it.

worst thing is, i dunno exactly what i m so stressed of. i m afraid the HOD will suddenly step into the class and realise how bad a teacher i m, afraid she will see me unable to answer the students' questions. afraid the other teacher will keep trying to help me when she sees the students dun understand what i m saying. afraid the students will see me as a useless teacher. afraid they dun respect me as a teacher (tho i dun really care actually). afraid i cannot help them.

how can i be a teacher?

tt's the question tt keeps going around in my head. and as i flip through my secondary sch textbook, i realised how hardworking and clever i was last time, and how much i have learnt last time and how much i have forgotten. all those knowledge has left me, not leaving a trace of memory in my head.

sorry sorry

dunno what title to use so just typed the song i m listening to now. dun even know y i want to write this entry. just cause i like the feeling of typing on the keyboard, esp since it's a new keyboard. and recently i rmbed one of the reasons i wanted to change my laptop so anxiously. music sounds so nice now from my laptop! esp with my $50++ headphones i bought earlier. really surround sound now. all the super junior title songs sound nicer by a 1000 times n it feels like i m in a concert hall or something. i really can't stand those ELFs who say tt the quality of their songs are not good or what not. i feel like they are putting suju down even more than antis. if even the fans feel this abt their idols, how can they expect others to like their songs.

listening to ss3 opening now. damn epic. suddenly rmb what my new laptop has tt my old laptop doesn't. working dvd drive! shall watch my ss3 concert dvd now. most epic concert opening of all time.

flyers fly away

dunno y but tt title just suddenly popped into my head. anyway today i ended my first and i hope the last flyer job. and going to start relieve teaching job next week. i really feel like a 'full-time' part-time worker now, doing all the odd jobs and meeting lots of ppl whom i say hi and bye to without even knowing their names. tt's just the characteristic of young ppl i guess, we can talk well with one another without bothering whether we know each other's names.we know tt we will not meet again (most probably), so we talk even more than we talk to some of our ordinary frens.

anyway some things tt i gathered from this flyer job. ppl are generally nice if u are nice to them. reminds me of the mirror story. show them a smile and they will smile at u too.your expressions and mood can easily affect others and make their day better or worse.and it also reminds me to just politely reject ppl next time if i dun wan their flyers, or better just take it to make their job easier. at least i recycle those papers and dun litter so since it's printed already, it wld be better to be in my hands than others'.

先甜后苦

yup tt's my life now, and i m currently still at the sweet part. tho i said i promised to myself tt i will only get a new laptop after i get a job, i couldn't wait for it. comex came and i just lost my senses, but i didn't buy at comex ironically. i bought at sim lim square and traded in my once $2000 toshiba for $140 (which according to another shop was only worth $90). and then i got my samsung. i m officially koreanised totally. laptop, handphone, textbook on my table now, videos i watch, music i listen to, kimbab i make, facial foam i use (tho my mother bought tt actually), posters on my wall, cds on my shelf, calligraphy on my cupboard, koreans on the bus next to me (there's a korean cluster in my neighbourhood i positively suspect).