sending resumes = distributing flyers?

This is the attitude tt i realised i have to adopt, otherwise i might nv find a perm job for the rest of my life. just send, no matter whether they r looking for ppl, no matter whether they are interested in u, no matter whether u fit their requirements. just like there's no harm in giving out flyers to someone who look like they r not going to take it, cause if they dun it doesn't hurt u anyway, n if they do then it's an unexpected gain. if i send resumes and they dun reply me, i won't feel hurt anyway, and if they reply then it's a chance for me to end my endless search for jobs.

but the problem is sending resumes i need to write a 'cover letter' too. even tho i nv knew how to write a proper one, and engineering jobs mostly dun care abt this anyway, i still need to write something in the email tt i feel ok with. but sending resumes to jobs and companies tt i dun even know well, i dunno what to write.

hunger games

i m really a person who can get my mood affected very easily. when i watch shows i get absorbed into it so much i think of it whole day and feel sad for the whole day, or a few days. weirdly most shows which are impactful are sad and so i rmb feeling sad more than feeling happy. y are ppl so sadistic? always producing sad shows and stuff.

anyway the title doesn't mean tt i watched the show and was affected. i only 'read' the show. as in read from wikipedia. and then 'read' a bunch of other shows similar to it, like battle royale, the running man, the long walk. how come humans can come up with stories as sadistic as tt? these situations doesn't seem impossible after all, since humans have the ability to make possible everything they can think of. y must we kill each other and put ourselves in fear? isn't this world full of love tt we always see in ppl who volunteer for the needy and stuff. but this world is also full of cruelty, because some humans find twisted happiness from cruelty on others.

i m starting to feel like i dunno the world i m living in at all..

stress 到胃痛

I first time understand the meaning of this sentence. i guess this is one of the most, if not the most, stressed period of my life. of course there were other stressed times (like thesis writing which was hell), but i dunno y but this time the stress caused me to be sick. i dun have appetite and i had fever and diarrhoea (n i typed this so many times on my phone tt now i know how to spell it correctly). i feel hungry but i can't eat anything cause my stomach keep having tt weird feeling of butterflies in it.

worst thing is, i dunno exactly what i m so stressed of. i m afraid the HOD will suddenly step into the class and realise how bad a teacher i m, afraid she will see me unable to answer the students' questions. afraid the other teacher will keep trying to help me when she sees the students dun understand what i m saying. afraid the students will see me as a useless teacher. afraid they dun respect me as a teacher (tho i dun really care actually). afraid i cannot help them.

how can i be a teacher?

tt's the question tt keeps going around in my head. and as i flip through my secondary sch textbook, i realised how hardworking and clever i was last time, and how much i have learnt last time and how much i have forgotten. all those knowledge has left me, not leaving a trace of memory in my head.

sorry sorry

dunno what title to use so just typed the song i m listening to now. dun even know y i want to write this entry. just cause i like the feeling of typing on the keyboard, esp since it's a new keyboard. and recently i rmbed one of the reasons i wanted to change my laptop so anxiously. music sounds so nice now from my laptop! esp with my $50++ headphones i bought earlier. really surround sound now. all the super junior title songs sound nicer by a 1000 times n it feels like i m in a concert hall or something. i really can't stand those ELFs who say tt the quality of their songs are not good or what not. i feel like they are putting suju down even more than antis. if even the fans feel this abt their idols, how can they expect others to like their songs.

listening to ss3 opening now. damn epic. suddenly rmb what my new laptop has tt my old laptop doesn't. working dvd drive! shall watch my ss3 concert dvd now. most epic concert opening of all time.

flyers fly away

dunno y but tt title just suddenly popped into my head. anyway today i ended my first and i hope the last flyer job. and going to start relieve teaching job next week. i really feel like a 'full-time' part-time worker now, doing all the odd jobs and meeting lots of ppl whom i say hi and bye to without even knowing their names. tt's just the characteristic of young ppl i guess, we can talk well with one another without bothering whether we know each other's names.we know tt we will not meet again (most probably), so we talk even more than we talk to some of our ordinary frens.

anyway some things tt i gathered from this flyer job. ppl are generally nice if u are nice to them. reminds me of the mirror story. show them a smile and they will smile at u too.your expressions and mood can easily affect others and make their day better or worse.and it also reminds me to just politely reject ppl next time if i dun wan their flyers, or better just take it to make their job easier. at least i recycle those papers and dun litter so since it's printed already, it wld be better to be in my hands than others'.

先甜后苦

yup tt's my life now, and i m currently still at the sweet part. tho i said i promised to myself tt i will only get a new laptop after i get a job, i couldn't wait for it. comex came and i just lost my senses, but i didn't buy at comex ironically. i bought at sim lim square and traded in my once $2000 toshiba for $140 (which according to another shop was only worth $90). and then i got my samsung. i m officially koreanised totally. laptop, handphone, textbook on my table now, videos i watch, music i listen to, kimbab i make, facial foam i use (tho my mother bought tt actually), posters on my wall, cds on my shelf, calligraphy on my cupboard, koreans on the bus next to me (there's a korean cluster in my neighbourhood i positively suspect).

exam tomorrow

ever since dunno when (actually i know when, just tt i dun want to admit it), i forgot how to study for exams. tml i have an interview, n i always rmb what my fren told me, 'treat an interview like an exam', but if tt is so, tt means i m going to not treat it very seriously, just like how i haven't treated my exams very seriously ever since i dunno when. n i really dun feel like thinking of answers to the questions they like to ask in interviews, those questions tt i have no answers to, n dun feel like saying things i dun even believe myself.

samsung series 5

yup tt's all tt's in my mind nowadays. i deserve to be slapped yes. i m not worried about not having a job, but now the only reason i want to get a job fast is because i said to myself i will only get a new laptop when i get a job. the moment someone offers me a job and i sign the contract, i'm going to get myself a new laptop. dun even talk about getting my first pay or starting work. something like getting an advance for my salary i guess?

am i a good team player?

nope. tho i always thought i m and always reply tt i m. but i guess i m not. and i cannot handle stress well. and i cannot stand ppl who thinks differently from me. and i always think i m right. and i can't talk well. and my thoughts are always disorganised. and i can't express myself properly so tt others understand me. i m just such a stupid person. and the whole world is deceived just because i can study well. but in a nutshell i m just an idiot.

y m i here?

recently i feel like a useless person, i feel like i shldn't be living in this world. the only thing i m good at is useless in this society, the things i m not gd at are so impt for living in this society, but i can nv learn them. i m so useless i can't even talk properly to ppl much younger than me. i can't let anyone feel confident in me. of course, how can i make ppl confident of me when i myself m not confident with myself. until the day tt i find someone who is willing to believe in me and pick me up, i guess i will just continue living like rubbish now..

finding job daisakusen!

it's not like i haven't read interview tips b4, i've seen them so many times i dun even bother reading them anymore, and maybe tt's y none of the tips have rooted deeply in my heart and i just take them as a joke. but what my fren told me left a deep impression in my heart. she said 'prepare for an interview like how u prepare for an exam'. then it suddenly occurred to me tt an interview is indeed like an exam, an entrance exam to the company. i nv found it necessary to understand the company completely (i just read them like how i read a magazine) and even memorise some of the facts if necessary. but now, being a NEET, i think i need to become more serious in my job finding.

bottleneck

there's where i m now. ever since dunno when, i hate working hard for anything. i guess this is what ppl feel when they think tt life is meaningless. no motivation to work hard, no goals to go towards, no hopes in life because there's nothing they want to achieve. dun feel like doing my best, or i shld say my best is just like this, i cannot push myself anymore.

life just keeps getting worse..

the same thing always happen to me again and again. or i shld say i keep letting the same thing happen to me again and again. i m that stupid and undisciplined. and the problem is as it keeps getting worse i keep consoling myself and thinking it's nothing and i end up slacking and doing less and achieving less and thinking it's ok and the vicious cycle just goes on. well, it's going to hit the bottom soon i guess. going to graduate from my student life forever soon

i want to be free..from myself

my life now is just a vicious cycle, from mindless slacking to sleepless nights doing stuff i m not even interested of and forcing me to write things i dun even believe of and trying to paraphrase what other people said so that it sounds like mine and trying to find where i 'stole' things from, to realise that other ppl steal things too and i can't find the real owner anymore.

stop it i m telling u!

i m going to finish this post in 1 minute, just want to vent out my frustration..STOP IT! stop telling me how busy you r. so u think u are the only busy one? u think your friends have less things to do because they don't take the modules u take and their FYP is 'more relaxed' than yours and yours is the most difficult and tedious one in the whole world? i m telling u, NO! people are taking on more stuff than u and having a much more difficult life than yours but they are not going around telling everyone how difficult their life is because they know others are going through the same thing. so stop acting like only u are busy and only u have the right to complain. stop acting like my life is so relaxed and i m slacking and having fun at home while u are slogging there. stop acting like u are the only one not having enough sleep (because i dun even get to sleep). damn it, feel like scolding bad words.

15

"I'm 13 and I've never kissed a guy but all of my friends have and this song gives me hope that I might still be loved and that it's okay to start kissing and stuff just when you're ready"

this is top rated comment on Taylor Swift's MV for Fifteen. cultural difference at its best. then i realised the song and the even the title itself already shows it. i m glad i live in an Asian society. well..the world needs different people in order to be interesting.

i live a good life

not trying to be sarcastic, just trying to convince myself. like how those motivators always say, what you tell your mind your mind will think. positive thinking, always. yes my life may suck but there's always others who live a suckier life than me. yes i just spilled my sample and have to waste another 1 hour of my life waiting for the samples to run finish. yes i just deleted my finished run for the 2nd time in 2 days and have to waste yet another 1 hour of my life. yes i have to leave lab at 8pm instead of 6pm and miss my fren's birthday and have less time to write my thesis and risk not graduating. yes to all this, but my life is still good. because i m still able to be writing my blog here. and now i m back to singing in the lab, my best karaoke place.

sorry just finding some place to vent my frustrations because there's no one to tell and no one to understand