another year end like any other

i don't know why i like this feeling of sitting/lying cozily in my room on new year eve and just watching shows while the whole world is out there partying. tho this year probably everyone is partying at home since we can't go out. i feel like i m living history, with a pandemic that i thought only happen in history books. anyway, for me life still goes on as if nothing is happening. i m not making any difference to the world, but i nv blamed the world for anything, nv thought it owed me anything, and nv took it for granted. such is the life of an insignificant dust in the universe.

不是在工作就是在找工作的路上..

yup that is my life. still struggling to concentrate on 'studying' for my technical interview tomorrow. i need to treat it like an exam, because it actually is. an exam that decides my life forward. an exam that i want to pass. i have not cared about exams much when i was a student. i mean i studied for them, but i didn't get nervous or felt like it was a make or break. but this time it does feels like that. the feeling that i dunno what i will get in the exam, having a high probability that i will break down during and after it. i m already breaking down now by dreading what is to come. but what i can i do? other than ploughing through life and facing everything head-on. just tell myself, so what even if i fail it? it's not like i will die..yeah right..