count++;

didn't want to count..but now i have to..it might be a guinness world record..let me count the number of people who asked me programming(the most popular medium being msn)..initialising count to 0..

hallmate no.1(him), no.2(her), no.3(the softie)
coursemate no.1(the smart one), no.2(the cutie pie), no.3(the friendly one), no.4(the kiasu one), no.5(the beng one), no.6(prc), no.7(ex-tutorial mate)
ex-hallmates no.1(the badminton proer), no.2(her roommate), no.3(the pe teacher)

the peak period is the day before the test,4 msn windows on at the time talking abt the same thing..this is mad..

如果没有如果..nothing is impossible part 2..

the wonderful and sometimes 奇特 experience finished last week when the concert ended..i looked back at my post in january this year when i still cldn't believe that i was in an acapella grp..now it still seems so miraculous that i got chosen..and after all this experience the whole thing seemed even more unbelievable and out-of-the-world..ok i m anyhow using english words that i do not exactly know the meaning of..but that's the point..

the point is that i really treasure this memory now..it always doesn't seem so 'treasurable' when u are in the situation..u take it for granted and assumes that it is normal..but after that u realise that it is not something that will come by everyday in your life..treasure your uni life that is..so i decided to go fo it!as in the auditions next year for choir and the acapella group in nus..not very certain that i will get in,esp for the acapella one..and not even sure if it suits me,but wat's life without trying and 'taking risks'?i know that if i get out of uni i wldn't have this kind of chance anymore,so it wld be better to grab hold of them while they are still within reach..

really thx to all the members in the aca group i was in..i always feel that it is amazing that 7 people with totally different personalities and life experience(and nationality too) can come together and work hard for the same thing..music makes the world go round and it doesn't matter what language u sing..everyone of them taught me a lot and i feel that i have got a lot to learn from them..jus want to say a big THANK YOU to all of them!

o ya and it is really cool to get to know a person u admire,though i might not know him as well as others..i got to see the real him which is like TOTALLY different from what i perceived him to be when i started admiring him..haha..cannot say that it is a disappointment,but it is quite a shock..haha..we cannot judge a book by its cover definitely...hehe

当我们宅一起..

第一次感觉到自己像偶像剧中的女主角似的，被男主角保护着。‘近水楼台先得月’这句话不是说假的，‘宅’在一起（虽然只是同宿舍）真的可以发生很多事（请不要想歪歪）。譬如凌晨还可以面对面问他功课、可以帮彼此打包食物、帮对方拿房间钥匙、半夜叫他来帮我抓甲虫之类的奇奇怪怪的事情。所以说戏剧的桥段虽然有时看起来不可思议但其实也是有可能发生的，只是机率比较低而且可能不是发生在自己身上而已。

他真的就像偶像剧里的男主角一样，像王子一般地在我需要他的时候出现（虽然都是我用朋友的身份拜托他的），害我现在每次发生什么事情都会第一个想到他。觉得压力很大而没有人能帮助我的时候就会想到他，只有他把我当成普通的女生而不会只是想利用我。（虽然有时也是会利用我，哈哈）他会听我诉苦而且给一些不算太有建设性但听起来也不错的安慰。他的笑总是那么真诚，他房间的味道、他的声音、他背着书包走路的背影总是让我感到那么熟悉。我害怕我会离开他，但我却知道那也是无济于事。我只希望我们之间能够有多一点共同的回忆，那么以后见到彼此也不会感到陌生，至少是存在着美好的。

listening to: 背影 by 林宥嘉

没有如果..

如果我说 爱我没有如果 错过就过 你是不是会难过？

我想你应该不会难过，因为你从来就没有喜欢过我，只是把我当朋友。现在的我也没有奢望什么，但是看到你的nickname 还是会难过。为什么你的心情写照常常也是我的，但是我的是对你，而你的是对别人呢？我常常觉得这很讽刺，甚至有点像“螳螂捕蝉，黄雀在后”。为什么我要这么笨的去喜欢一个喜欢别人的人呢？

我们这么靠近，却也这么遥远。

我很害怕失去一个自己喜欢的人。

放手应该会让自己比较好受。(added on 6th Apr 09)

就这样结束了，再见，再也不见。(added on 19th Apr 09)

你是这么想的吗，虽然是对别人？因为我也是这么想的，而且是对你。为什么你要对每个人都那么好，让我认为自己有希望，却也知道你只是把我当普通朋友。我喜欢你的友善和诚恳，但却也讨厌这种不踏实的感觉。你是我第一个喜欢的人，也是第一个对我那么好的男生。你没有完美的性格，但是你对我来说是那么真实且存在的，让我第一次知道自己不是欣赏而是真的喜欢上一个人。再过一个月我就不能这样看着你了，所以我很珍惜现在的时光，我希望这可以成为我美好的回忆，而且我也没有后悔喜欢你。

(added on 19th Apr 09)其实我们也不是真的会再也不见，而这正是最糟的部分。如果能完全不用见面，那至少还能让时间冲淡一切，但是如果还能在学校里时不时地碰到，我们还能够有话题聊吗？我们还能够像从前一样对待彼此吗？我们会不会感到尴尬，因为曾经有过那么多回忆，但当下却只能对彼此像普通朋友般的寒暄？我们应该会随着时间的流逝而忘记彼此，那我就不会感到心疼了。

默默..

为什么他们要骗我？即使只是不经意的，但是为什么要让我有受骗的感觉？我还以为我可以相信他们的，我还以为他们都是真诚的对待我的，我还以为他们的笑容和亲切都是真实的，但我现在才发现你最在意的人其实最有可能欺骗你。跟你不熟的人才不会骗你，因为他们没有必要那么做，他们不想讨好你，也不必讨好你。为什么要让我不敢再相信任何人？为什么要让我那么害怕人？我觉得只要是人都好可怕，因为每个人都有脑袋，每个人都有可能心怀不轨，每个人都是在为了自己而活，每个人都有可能为了自己而骗你。我不想活在这种世界中。我只想默默地听着歌，自己一个人听着歌，然后什么别的人也不用管，只是自己默默的生存下去，在自己默默渺小的世界中。

o my god!

this is bad!maths is becoming not like maths but more like other modules..i had 2 consecutive lectures(4 consecutive hours) last week and the 2nd one,maths,was totally like the 1st one(statics and equilibrium stuff) when it started talking about a bar and forces on it and moments about this and that..and then now i m listening to a recording of a lecture last fri(which i missed) and it sounds totally like my other module material science where there is like diffusion and a graph of concentration versus position..

argh..i hate maths when it links itself to other subjects..though it sounds quite stupid because maths was exactly created to solve problems in other stuff..o and i also hate seeing integration signs,hyperbolic functions(!? in statics) in other subjects..can we just understand the thing without having to integrate over line,surface and all those unsolvable stuff?this is really bad..