爸妈不在家

yoohoo we won!every award came as a surprise actually.when i knew 杨雁雁 got the Best Supporting Actress, it was like wow! tho i missed the moment. then i watched it while they were announcing the Best New Director, and it was like wow when Anthony Chen got it after the embarrassing moment. we got our 2nd and 3rd award in 金马奖 history tonight! wasn't thinking of being greedy and winning the Best Original Script, but just watched it anyway, then we got it again! wow!

then ok i went back to doing my stuff cause the last award is Best Feature Film and anyway really thought there was near to 0 chance to win it. but watched it anyway. the epic moment of the winners of Best Lead Actor and Actresses for the past 50 years sitting there all together. too many 大牌s there at one shot, heart can't take it. then watched proudly as the nomination video came on and everyone can see a relative longer snippet of Ilo Ilo. was just sitting there waiting for them to announce the winner who is probably someone else i m not interested in, but can't help but hope for tt miracle. so i was watching the award presenter's （侯孝贤导演）mouth so closely, hoping to lip read to know the results a micro second earlier than the rest of the world who is waiting for the results to be announced (as light travel faster than sound. ok i m just crapping so bear with me). then a miracle really happened, as i see his mouth started to close to form the word "爸". and then i heard the name i wanted to hear. then i started to scream to my family who is sleeping/playing com, that we have won!

tears really started flowing. we have not just won the Best Feature Film for the 1st time, we have won it on the 50th anniversary of the award, when probably the viewership ratings is higher than the past few years, and most importantly, when there are like about 40-50 great actors and actresses on the stage witnessing it, and 2 great directors presenting the award. some people might not be feeling happy and whatsoever, but i really can't care much abt them. i m so elated seeing a bunch of Singaporeans/Malaysian speaking the same language as me standing on the stage and giving the speech, letting the whole Chinese movie industry notice the presence of Singapore in the movie map.

we have had great musicians making impact on the Chinese music industry, and this year we had Christopher Lee making them notice that we have great TV actors as well, but it is not till now that we have brought our movies to their attention too. hearing the word "Singapore" so many times during their speech, i really feel so excited and touched.

i dunno how many ppl are still illogically upset by Anthony Chen's speech, but i believe tt most of the ppl are logical, sensible, and not blinded by their own ego to put Anthony in a bad light. but i must also applaud 黄文鸿 for being the one to mention Singapore first, and talking in such a pleasant way. i guess it's all because he was a DJ before, being in touch with the Taiwan industry due to the music, so he knows what is easily acceptable to the Taiwanese audience, whom i shan't comment again in case there's a fight between countries again.

i can only say, please don't generalize ppl. 己所不欲，勿施于人. and before u criticize others, look at yourself in the mirror first.

shadow

i feel like i m just a shadow in the world, not a real thing existing. no matter how hard i try, no matter tt i have done to my best already, it is still not enough. i still feel so small in front of them. i cannot take stress, tt's for sure. i take my work seriously and want to be thorough in everything i do, but it seems like it just drives me to madness every time. but being thorough is very tiring, and when there's so much things to do, one cannot afford to be thorough. and no one can see how much effort i have spent. i dun really care whether others know how hard i have worked, but i cannot stand being told off for not spending enough effort when i have done my best. maybe my best is just not enough for the world, and my boss.

i hope he can see how i feel, how tired i m, but i guess he will never, cause he is tired himself. only if he knows how hard i have tried.

Work work work

i just left office at 10pm but i feel so early.something is wrong with me.today is the earliest i have left office since the past 2 weeks.i guess i feel early because the gate is still not locked and i dun need to go tt big round to take the bus.i still see lots of ppl waiting for bus.macs and 7eleven are not the only shops open.such an amazing early day tho i m not early because i finished my work,but cause i m tired and fed up with it.

Big fat pig

yup that's what i m.cause i just sent a reply to a resident and wrote her name wrongly.how great is that?she is surely thinking that we send out a standard template for the reply since her question is what so many ppl wld have asked also.i really hope she wldn't send back a reply and question me for it.i really dunno what excuse i can come up with to reply her.or maybe i shld say the truth?i just got confused cos i had to reply 3 residents' feedback in 1 day.best thing was, 2 of them had the same christian name, 2 of them had the same surname, all of them live within 10 minutes' walk from one another and 2 of them live within 100m from each other.how great is that?

but all these reasons are probably just excuses in my boss's eye.i just hope he wld nv get to know of this mistake,otherwise i m really in deep shit.

workaholic

that is totally not a word to describe me, even if i stay in office until 10/11pm everyday. from wikipedia, workaholic is a person who is addicted to work. which i m totally not. though i can agree with the next sentence in wiki. i feel compelled to work. cause i m so inefficient and detailed and stupid, i can't help but stay late to do work. when i bring home my work laptop over the weekends, i dun even touch my laptop at all, cause i dun like to work, and home has too many distractions, which is y i can only stay in office if i want to get work done.

i m feeling so stressed and pressed and stretched n i get headaches when i think of my work, and my boss who monitors me so tightly. i dunno how long i can stand this, but i know i have nowhere else to go. it took me long to get this job, and there's nowhere else tt wld want me anyway. i broke down countless times, sitting in my work cubicle. i feel helpless but no one can help me except myself. the only way for me to release my stress is finish my endless work, and no one can help me finish it except myself. yet i know my work can never end even if i continue staying late everyday. this bottomless hole is sucking me deeper and deeper into it. wonder if i will just break into pieces one day. countless times i kept hoping a car can come crashing into me when i cross the road, then all this will end. cause anyway there's really not much reason i m living on this world for. i m not doing something i like, i m not responsible for anyone's life, my weekly routine is just eat sleep work watch drama play games and nothing else.

i wonder how many others in this world is living a life like me. not doing a job they like. not knowing what their reason for living is. perhaps many. perhaps this is a first world problem, because we r well fed and live peacefully, so we want much more in life than that. we become greedy.

i guess before anything big happens in my life, i just have to continue doing my work and hope that i finish faster than it comes in. life is just like tt isn't it?

work

u do what u get paid for. well, at least u r supposed to do it. if u dun, u get scolded and mentally tortured n tt's your own fault cause u r getting the money not for free.

for the past week, i have learnt stuff/sent out emails/made calls more than i have learnt/sent/made in the past 3.5 months. no wonder ppl always say u learn how to swim the fastest when u r thrown into the ocean. well, either tt or u drown. i guess i m still trying desperately to keep afloat. another week like tt n i m going to drown. luckily my buoy will come back tml. or so i think. hope she is really my buoy. hope we dun drown together. well at least i have someone to accompany me in the cold and deep ocean.

留得青山在 不怕没柴烧

nothing more to say. the title says it all. what's so sad or scary about data being lost? even if the data was saved over the years by me, and some cannot be found back anymore. and the bad thing is i don't even know what is lost. well, even then, what's so sad or scary about that? as long as i m still alive, i can work hard and try my best to recover them, one by one, slowly, over the months and years. those that cannot be found, cannot be found. it can serve as a lesson for me. to never forget how important they are. to never take them for granted. to never think they will always be there, waiting for me. it all seemed not so long ago that i still had them. people only treasure things when they are lost. just like paintings that only become famous when the artist is dead. the important thing is to learn from your mistake. and make sure they stick with u. as long as your heart can remember the pain of losing.

光合作用

绿叶需要温柔 阳光伸出援手
你温暖我不见天日的寂寞 

不知道为什么，觉得这句歌词很温暖，或许是因为搭配了<两个爸爸>这个温暖的戏，或许是因为最近很低落而这首歌适时的温暖了我的心。不知不觉写了好多次“温暖“这个字，不知不觉也温暖起来了 :D

Independent learning

Is the most inefficient but most effective way of learning, if that makes any sense at all. Currently i m two weeks into my job but I m still dozing off while reading things that I vaguely understand. N I got a feeling the dozing off thing will continue if this goes on, if my buddy at work keeps ignoring me. Need to constantly remind her of my presence. Hope I don't get fired before I even get my first salary -_-

Fish, tank, ocean

I was a reasonable sized fish in the small tank, but now I m like an anchovy in the ocean, ready to be eaten by all the other fishes here. Swimming around trying to ensure my survival. I wonder if I am suited for this kind of work and this level of responsibility and stress.

Sbs

I think I m getting sick building syndrome or something, just after 4 days of working in an enclosed building. Humans really cannot too much time in an enclosed space without windows, it will make ppl go mad, ok at least me. No wonder all the management has got rooms where u can see the outside scenery. It is a kind of benefit.

I need to breathe some fresh air. The smell of my new chair is making me sick. Maybe I shldnt have removed the wrapping after all.

Blogging during work is not right

I am seriously perplexed now. And disturbed. Y is my work buddy talking to another new guy so happily when they are not even related at work? Y is she behaving as if he is her buddy instead of me? I would not have been so disturbed if it wasn't that i have not been asking her questions in fear of interrupting her work, but seems like she's not busy at all -_-

So I guess I shld just shoot her all the questions and bug her to teach me to keep her occupied. But I don't feel like doing it, now tt I know what kind of person she is. Tho we have been told to ask questions while we can since the first day here. I guess I shld just be more independent and learn fast.
Ok now back to reading!

First mobile post

Just downloaded the blogger app on my phone and testing it now. Seems like the ratings for this app is not really gd. But anyway I won't have much use for this since typing on phone is not as fun as typing on keyboard. Anyway I just realised I have sort of abandoned my blog. Last year I have the second lowest number of posts, and now is April already but this is my first post of the year?!

Wanted to start writing again and spazz abt my new found interest in a Taiwan celebrity since a week ago, but haven't found any time, or I shld say I was too lazy to do so. With my new job starting next week, not sure if I will find time to do it, but if I do, I will reveal who the person is then. Till then, I will still be watching his shows and spazzing and laughing nonstop at this super hilarious drama he acted in 12 years ago XD