the Scary Internet

weird title that come out from me..jus spent a few hours understanding the dream concert 2008 incident in Korea when i shld have been studying for my exams because i m so dead and not started (had been slping my afternoon away)..everytime i read abt all those anti stuff in kpop i feel shocked and appalled and disturbed and sad and too much emotions fill me that i cannot describe..this sometimes happen in chinese pop but not to such an extreme extent (not tt i know of anyway)..how can ppl injure/rape(!) other ppl just because they do not like their idol?*jaw drop* is the only reaction i have to it..

like many sane ppl out there,i dun understand the doings and mentality of anti-fans..i can still rmb very clearly a comment written by a person on youtube.."i'd rather spend my time doing useless things for ppl i like rather than doing things to hurt ppl i dun like"..i dun tink i will forget this golden saying..so true and logical..for this i respect those fans who spend time doing things for their idols (like those co-ordinators of fanclubs) more than anti-fans posting anti videos and spreading rumors abt artistes they dun like,even though sometimes some doings of fans i dun agree to too..like stalking and harassing their idols..

in this age of high usage of the Internet (sounds like i m starting an academic essay here-_-),many ppl are using it as a tool (and a powerful one sometimes) to achieve their goals (however unthinkable and scary they are)..i think ppl need to think carefully while they read things online..be sure of their stand and principles,do not get swayed by other ppl..

anyway i shld really START studying..

woohoo..

i feel a bit more awake now..not totally..but the call that told me i got my internship was definitely 'shocking'..since there was supposed to be an interview and i didn't go for it and i thought it was a gone case..i guess they dun have enough applicants?..haha..but after the happiness and excitement i tink the bad will come..i dunno anything abt solar panels..do they know that?i hope they do..i hope i m not expected to know..though some part of my mind tells me that they will surely expect me to know it..since i m interested in it (or so i tink/or so they think because i wrote it in the essay),i shld have learnt abt it or even if i had not,i shld go research on it myself right?..but i tink that can start after my exams..i have 5 days after exams and before start of internship..nice ah..i expect 4.9 days to be spent on going out with frens/slacking in front of my com..i hope the 0.1 day will be of use then..

ok hope i have time then to write my internship entries on here..better keep a record for future use too..

listening to: Oh! My Lady title song by SNSD Sunny

sigh..

i wanted to write this entry without knowing what i want to write..and subconsciously i wrote that title..when i realised what i type i was a bit surprised..it jus left my fingertips like tt..i m not especially sad or upset or wat..and i tink maybe i shld..because tml is my first paper for year 2 sem 2 exams..and i still have 99% to study..i keep on thinking i have studied a lot (which is true when compared to what i have done for the rest of the sem..which was practically nothing..with choir before week 8 and projects after that) when actually i have NOT..i tink the info cramping will need to continue and i dun tink it will be effective..even as i m typing this now i m dead..

it is the first time i throw away my notes before exams..not tt i have any use for them or tt i read them at all..anyway how do u study for english?-_-..ok i shldn't call it english unless my teacher wants to correct me (i tink i shld stop calling my teachers teachers since i m in uni now..but i can't stop myself from calling them that since i have done tt for the past 15 years of my life)..i shld call it "critically thinking and writing" since that is the module name anyway..yup so how can u study to think critically?ok but i tink to them u NEED to study to write critically in the way that they want you to write..i think i cannot survive in this society cos my brain is full of sh*t (i need to strike that out because i m not supposed to use vulgar even if i did not spell it out directly *slaps myself*)..and i tink i have said that in a past entry or something cos it feels like deja vu (*goes to find exact way of writing "deja vu"*)..

listening to: 改变自己 by 王力宏 on radio

p.s. exactly the song i need man -_- 改变自己

and it's all because of you..

that i m angry and couldn't care more now..i dun care if i m seen as a lazy and irresponsible person or wat..normally i wld care..i m those kind of strange(or rebellious?) person who feel happy doing things that ppl dun expect out of me..but if suddenly someone wants me to do that i will not want to do it..even if initially i was happy doing it..i wan to do things not under any pressure..not under anyone's expectations..i wan to feel that wat i do is appreciated and not my just my responsibility..when it becomes a responsibility no one appreciates wat u do anymore..they only know how to blame u if u dun do it but not thank you when u do it..i guess that's y i hate ppl telling me to do certain things tho i know i have to do it..

i hate being 指使 to do what u wan me to do..and u saying it as though i have done nothing for the project..and saying it not directly but sarcastically..thx man..our friendship is quite gone now..not that i feel sorry or sad for it..

listening to (in my head): Because of you by JongHyun and Onew

the blog entry not on a blog 2..

the 2nd time i write a blog entry not on my blog.using the same pen and notebook.listening to a different song.sitting in my fav right back seat of 52 instead of the left back seat of my dad's car.

i've always wanted to write abt my fav back seat in 52.to some extent i consider it 'mine' because i sit there 95% of the time i take 52.when someone sits there is feel sad and i dun feel like i m taking 52 anymore(sitting somewhere else/or even worse, standing).why right side?because i like to look at the scenery (of ugly roads and cars?) rather than the streets and the ppl on it.why the back?because my actions wun be seen by anyone and i feel taller too(the current new bus design is such tt the back is higher,to avoid the engine i read somewhere).but i dun like when there are advertisements such tt it blocks my view and i get dizzy from the tiny dots tt is shown to the bus passengers inside.

digressing.i like my hair now and hope it stays like tt(tho i know it will not and it will grow longer and i have to cut it and leave the $10 hairdresser to interprete what is short and 帅气 for me)(provided i still dare to say the word 帅气 to any of the hairdressers) it is a bit brown from my fren's leftover bubble dye,which at least help a bit in eliminating the nerdish look in me.by 0.01% maybe?i feel more stylish than i've ever felt in my whole life,tho i m still 95% a nerd.i mean my appearance of course.because if u know me well enough(and sadly very few ppl know me tt well),u know i m the slackest person on earth and superbly not hardworking and a total procrastinator.i can't blame others though.i often show a hardworking facade outside(reading notes on bus,not talking abt entertainment stuff and only talking abt sch stuff etc.) because i have slacked too much at home and is finally feeling the fire burning my toes(is there such an idiom?) ppl wld not be able to understand as they only see the outside,which ppl inevitably do(which is the thing i hate abt humans(including myself))..

ok,so this is too long an entry and i took 9/10 of my bus ride to write this.i need to go back to studying because exams is in 1 week's time and i haven't read my lecture notes since week 1 and done 0 tutorials(not kidding man)..a record for my uni life..

i love myself man..

listening to: Ring Ding Dong by SHINee

becoming sick again(?)..

this is the most slack weekend i have ever had since..i dunno when..maybe the most slack weekend in my life?and i m getting engrossed into endless videos and singing and photos again..honestly,the first time i heard jonghyun's singing i was like 'y does this person use so much strength to sing and seem like he is dying when he is singing'..i didn't approve of that very much though it is of course unique cos u can recognise it STRAIGHT away..i mean i've never heard anyone with a voice like him till now..but i didn't think anyone will wan to have a voice like him anyway..

but look wat i m doing now..listening to his songs again and again and getting stuck to my earphones 20 hours a day (because i sleep while listening to songs and only take them out when i realise it in the middle of the night or when i wake up)..i have only one thing to say now..dun start listening to him sing,otherwise u can't stop..

listening to: So Sick by Bling Bling JongHyun (orginially by NeYo of course)

so sick..

i need to go and sleep because i only slept 1 hour yesterday..but i m 'so sick'..i have caught the 'shinee bug'..or i shld say 'jonghyun bug' for today because my eyes are stuck to my com and my ears are stuck to my earphones watching and listening to his performance and singing..

since i got into the kpop fever,i learn abt more english songs than i have ever known since i was born..dunno y but korean singers like to sing english songs and most of those they sing are quite nice so i will go back to listen to the real version..turns out that for some i like the korean singers' version better..i guess it's cause i like acoustic versions better..eng songs are often very 'loud' and full of drums and beats and i dunno how to describe it..rock?but anyway just to list some..like crazyback (eeteuk and eunhyuk on Sukira)..falling slowly (sungmin on sukira)..Just Dance (SHINee on the music bank performance).. So sick and Because of you (Jonghyun and Onew on radio)..ah they sing real nice..

korean artistes really breaks my doubt that idols cannot sing well..how come they are good-looking, can sing well, can dance well, can act well, can host well, can entertain etc all at the same time?it also breaks my believe that heaven is fair to everyone..or maybe they just have some bad points that aren't shown to the public..meanwhile i shall go back to getting amazed by jonghyun (+a bit of Onew)..

listening to: So Sick by Ne-Yo

will i hear the newspaper again?

just suddenly thought of writing this when i saw the time on my desktop..4.44am now..so will i hear the newspaper hitting against my door at 5.30++?not really sure,but i guess it's a 50-50 chance..depends on my efficiency..i look forward to the week after next even though revisions for exams will start..it is the first time i love revision so much (not that i have any revision to do since i have not even read 99% of my lecture notes and haven't done ANY of my tutorials)..i just want to get rid of projects..i wld rather take 5 tests than 1 project..serious..or even more than that..

anyway the resolution was 2 days ago..going well until now..see how long i can keep to it bah..

meanwhile i shld go back to work otherwise it will be 99% chance that i hear the newspaper..

listening to: 锁住时间 by S.H.E

new-life resolution..

as opposed to new year resolution..y i name it that is cos i hope i can start a new life with this resolution..it might not have that great an effect actually on enabling me to start a new life,but if i can fulfill it it means i have the determination and discipline which will enable me to accomplish other harder stuff..if i can't even fulfill that,how can i tink about accomplishing greater stuff?

ok so what's that great resolution?it is to STOP eating when i m full and NOT eat when i m not feeling hungry and to NOT eat in the midnight even if i m feeling hungry (which is the situation that happens to me most of the time because i m a night cat)..nothing much to others maybe..but it's hard for me who uses food to distress and needs food to stay awake to do my work..but those 3 things are the worst things one can do when trying to lose weight..so i need to stop doing it if i ever want to achieve the weight of an average person of my height..sigh..back to work..

积少成多..

the thing i hate most in my life..interviews or projects..in the past i would have chosen interviews without even thinking..but after the interview i had last thurs (with super nice interviewers) and the PILE of projects i have this sem and is still currently struggling with (having 2 project deadlines tml),i tink i m changing my ans to projects..i can only say i m anti-social for sure..i would rather do projects alone..it's not that i always get slack project grp mates or what (o or maybe it is actually)..i have been a liability to others too..i have seen the benefits of group projects because everyone is bound to come up with some usable idea at one point or another,but the coordinating is killing me..humans are 群体动物 i know..but if so i wld rather not be a human..argh..getting more and more anti-social if u ask me..

anyway i like to slack (and write blog entries) during the weirdest of times..when i got so much pressing stuff waiting for me to finish..when i cld have not spend the time slacking and maybe i can finish earlier and maybe slp for at least 15-30 min or so..but i can't help slacking..my attention span is getting shorter as i grow older..is it common?not sure..but anyway shld go back to work bah..sian..

listening to: 牧羊人 by 张信哲 on radio