爸妈不在家

yoohoo we won!every award came as a surprise actually.when i knew 杨雁雁 got the Best Supporting Actress, it was like wow! tho i missed the moment. then i watched it while they were announcing the Best New Director, and it was like wow when Anthony Chen got it after the embarrassing moment. we got our 2nd and 3rd award in 金马奖 history tonight! wasn't thinking of being greedy and winning the Best Original Script, but just watched it anyway, then we got it again! wow!

then ok i went back to doing my stuff cause the last award is Best Feature Film and anyway really thought there was near to 0 chance to win it. but watched it anyway. the epic moment of the winners of Best Lead Actor and Actresses for the past 50 years sitting there all together. too many 大牌s there at one shot, heart can't take it. then watched proudly as the nomination video came on and everyone can see a relative longer snippet of Ilo Ilo. was just sitting there waiting for them to announce the winner who is probably someone else i m not interested in, but can't help but hope for tt miracle. so i was watching the award presenter's （侯孝贤导演）mouth so closely, hoping to lip read to know the results a micro second earlier than the rest of the world who is waiting for the results to be announced (as light travel faster than sound. ok i m just crapping so bear with me). then a miracle really happened, as i see his mouth started to close to form the word "爸". and then i heard the name i wanted to hear. then i started to scream to my family who is sleeping/playing com, that we have won!

tears really started flowing. we have not just won the Best Feature Film for the 1st time, we have won it on the 50th anniversary of the award, when probably the viewership ratings is higher than the past few years, and most importantly, when there are like about 40-50 great actors and actresses on the stage witnessing it, and 2 great directors presenting the award. some people might not be feeling happy and whatsoever, but i really can't care much abt them. i m so elated seeing a bunch of Singaporeans/Malaysian speaking the same language as me standing on the stage and giving the speech, letting the whole Chinese movie industry notice the presence of Singapore in the movie map.

we have had great musicians making impact on the Chinese music industry, and this year we had Christopher Lee making them notice that we have great TV actors as well, but it is not till now that we have brought our movies to their attention too. hearing the word "Singapore" so many times during their speech, i really feel so excited and touched.

i dunno how many ppl are still illogically upset by Anthony Chen's speech, but i believe tt most of the ppl are logical, sensible, and not blinded by their own ego to put Anthony in a bad light. but i must also applaud 黄文鸿 for being the one to mention Singapore first, and talking in such a pleasant way. i guess it's all because he was a DJ before, being in touch with the Taiwan industry due to the music, so he knows what is easily acceptable to the Taiwanese audience, whom i shan't comment again in case there's a fight between countries again.

i can only say, please don't generalize ppl. 己所不欲，勿施于人. and before u criticize others, look at yourself in the mirror first.

shadow

i feel like i m just a shadow in the world, not a real thing existing. no matter how hard i try, no matter tt i have done to my best already, it is still not enough. i still feel so small in front of them. i cannot take stress, tt's for sure. i take my work seriously and want to be thorough in everything i do, but it seems like it just drives me to madness every time. but being thorough is very tiring, and when there's so much things to do, one cannot afford to be thorough. and no one can see how much effort i have spent. i dun really care whether others know how hard i have worked, but i cannot stand being told off for not spending enough effort when i have done my best. maybe my best is just not enough for the world, and my boss.

i hope he can see how i feel, how tired i m, but i guess he will never, cause he is tired himself. only if he knows how hard i have tried.

Work work work

i just left office at 10pm but i feel so early.something is wrong with me.today is the earliest i have left office since the past 2 weeks.i guess i feel early because the gate is still not locked and i dun need to go tt big round to take the bus.i still see lots of ppl waiting for bus.macs and 7eleven are not the only shops open.such an amazing early day tho i m not early because i finished my work,but cause i m tired and fed up with it.