took leave today just to buy ticket for 五坚情's first concert in sg, moon-landing. too many complicated and unknown feelings stuck in my chest, feeling 闷闷的. need to write them out to to keep myself sane, get those feelings out and come back to Earth.
1) their concert in sg have not sell out, and i think it probably won't, seeing that there are still tickets at cat 1. in star theatre which has capacity of 5000. actually from the start i felt so, the market in sg is too small, most youngsters are into kpop, few listen to taiwan music anymore. how to get famous in sg, from past experiences, and as we always know, u need to become famous overseas first. so they need to become more famous in tw, 冲出粉丝圈, but how to do that? as we know, popularity is not proportionate to your skills, there are so many 'good musicians' out there who are not well-known, everything is dependent on luck. fengze has been himself all this while, he had the looks, voice, song-composing skills, but he only became popular because of a game on a variety show, how lucky/unlucky is that? he always wanted to be recognised for his music, not other things, but he cannot control how the market works. his and 五坚情's fans in tw now are more of the 小妹妹 kind who change idols like changing clothes. not saying i m not like them, but i m more 看开 since i m old already and i have been in so many 粉丝圈 of different countries and have seen all kinds of crazy and stupid and illogical stuff. anyway those kind of fans mostly have high expectations of their idols. because they spend a lot time and money on their idols, they expect to get something out of it, tangible stuff like their idols knowing their existence, remembering their names and whatnot.
we can see from the past mvs that the views are mostly contributed by a small group of fans repeatedly watching it during the first few weeks they are released, because after they reach 1 million then the views increase slowly. i guess this is their way of reaching out to the wider public, by getting the mv higher in the chart during its release, but i m not sure how effective is that. and the fans will become tired as well. anyways, this is something for fengze and reason brothers themselves to worry, or maybe nothing to worry at all. they just need to 持续做该做的事 and leave the rest to fate and luck. that is the same for all of us, it's always the hardest, when what u do doesn't have an audience, how do u persist, whether u can keep on believing in what u do. in this aspect, fengze is an inspiration to me, and i believe in him, because he has been through what he has been through, he will be able to persist till the day he become at least as famous as jj in sg. i look forward to that day.
2) i bought the ticket with a person i just got to know in the telegram chat group, if not i could have gotten a better ticket if i just get 1. i must say buying concert ticket is luck as well? at least in sg, and with this new queue system that assigns a random number to u if u go to the page before the sales start, so i assume it is not dependent on your internet speed. and because people will hog and release tickets, buying earlier doesn't mean u will get the best ticket, that's the most irritating part. we always tell ourselves to 知足常乐, but we know how hard it is, when the "unfairness" is on us. but since when is life fair? anyway if i can get to know a nice person and finally attend a concert not alone and have someone to fangirl with, it is all good, but the prob is this person is not vaccinated and so might not be able to go, in which case i m not sure if she will sell the ticket to another random person or what. then what is all this sacrifice for? heck, what is done is done, let's just stop thinking about it and enjoy the concert as i should. as i always say, 追星 should be a happy thing, if u find it 痛苦 then u need to take a rest.
but i realise it always comes to this. it is like obsessive love? when u love something too much and become obsessed, it becomes painful, just like that time when i had such bad withdrawal symptoms after watching suju's concert, and that was the first time i experienced it, and didn't know there is a name for it. i never thought i will experience it again, it is a scary feeling, it's like i dun want to be obsessed with them but i cannot stop myself, aka 不可自拔 or in fengze language 拔不出来. just like drugs? i need to turn my attention to another thing, go into it, lose myself in it, forget about them, stop being so 执着. there are so many things in this world that are interesting, not just them. i need to take a step back and take a rest. they are not as impt in your life as u think. u are the most impt one in your life.
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